Where Does a Girl's Ambition Go?
Experts say too often it's sabotaged by social messages

NEW. YORK - Downstairs at the McDonald's counter, a group of parochial schoolgirls' in pastel uniforms are on their way out, giddy and rambunctious, arms slung casually around one another. Upstairs, 16-year-old Lisa Rogers dumps the remains of her morning snack in a nearby trash can, then draws a wand of plum lip gloss to her lips and checks her face in a hand mirror. Her friend Alisa DeBride, eyes closed, listens to whatever is playing through her Walkman earphones.

Between the parochial schoolgirls and these two silent teenagers lie the years that shape tomorrow's women the years of inevitable adolescent tumult and critical self-examination.

"I was real smart in school, up to the 8th grade," said Alisa, a 17-year-old high school student. "There was nobody and nothing to pressure me away from working bard.

"But guys..." she said, her eyes widening in exasperation. "If they see a 'dope body and a pretty face, they want to hit you up. They don't want to know who you are, what's inside you. No. No way."

High school success

Looking cool, dressing cool, listening to the coolest music are all key to success in high school. Not coincidentally, according to studies, it is then that millions of girls begin to doubt themselves and their dreams.

All children are born with self-esteem, that intangible quality so important to success in life. But as we grow older, real life - and all its advertised images of what we should be often erodes that core acceptance.

"Part of the' message that girls get sent is that it's not about what they do. It's about how they look," said Nell Merlino, an organizer of this Wednesday's national "Take Our' Daughters to Work" campaign.

Sponsored by the Ms. Foundation, women from all walks of life are being asked to spend their day with a girl between the ages of 9 and 15. The idea is to offer some sense of the world open to them, and their place in it.

But like a lot of girls on the brink of womanhood, Lisa and Alisa often feel overwhelmed or trapped by society's expectations. They sense what counts, and yearn to fit in.

Wellesley study . Studies conducted by scholars at Wellesley College's Center for Research on Women have found the odds stacked against women who dream of going into the male-oriented fields of math and science. Among a group of 230 coed college freshmen who planned to major in physical or biological sciences, mathematics, computer science, engineering and premedical studies, it was young women who tended to lose faith and drop out in significant numbers.

The study indicated problems start at the chalkboard: 56 percent of women feared they would be wrong when speaking up in' class, compared with 39 percent of men. While the majority of men felt free to disagree with professors, 48 percent of women did not.

For their efforts to be demure and polite, girls often are overlooked in the classroom. When the gregarious boy in back acts up, the teacher tends to pay attention.   It may be negative attention, but the focus is what counts.

Based on looks

It starts early, and often is unconscious. A comprehensive report released last year by the American Association of University Women found these differences are bred into little girls and boys beginning at birth.

While in elementary school, an average of 69 percent of girls reported they were happy the way I am," according to the AAUW study. In high school, the figure dropped to 29 percent.

By the time puberty hits, girls generally have sized up the game - and are savvy enough to realize it can pay to play., They begin to re-examine themselves, according to the images of success they've seen.

"The reason girls' sense of self-esteem is so low is that it's based a lot on how we look," says Marie Wilson, president of the Ms. Foundation.

Girls begin' to starve themselves into centerfold shape. "You start to take in the message that I'm not worth anything,"; Wilson said.

It's not as simple as heaping praise on your sons or daughters, supporting their every wish and dream. Child psychologist Lawrence Shapiro of King of Prussia, Pa., cautions that parents should not be overzealous.

" A parent who says everything a child does is great and rewards the child every time he does anything, that can do more damage than good," said Shapiro, who seven years began offering an entire catalogue of toys designed to enhance children's sense of self.

"When they see in the real world that every little thing they do is not great," he said, "that can be a real problem. "

There are, of course, many parents at the other extreme, adults who are unable to offer their children much support at all.

"A parent can't give to a child what they don't have themselves," said Gary Morais of Monterey, Calif., a therapist specializing in self-esteem issues.

"A child who has a parent that can't make a decision may have a difficult time making decisions. A child who comes from parents who can't express their feelings and emotions ends up feel inadequate about expressing their feelings and emotions."

Positive message

            This Wednesday, the Ms. Foundation hopes more than 500,000 girls will get a positive message, a moment in spotlight they may not get every day. But it's in the days that, come a that the real battle will be waged.

"There are things I want to do," said Lisa, ready to abandon her booth at McDonald's. "But it's hard to believe. It's hard to ignore everything out there, all the things that come around you."